Features

It was my birthday yesterday, so I’d appreciate it if everyone could keep it down a little bit because I have a bit of a headache for some reason. […]

Good Lord, it’s the weekend! You could go out for Leanne’s birthday, but Leanne is just horrendous, so why not watch these brilliant films instead. […]

It’s the weekend! A perfect time to clean out your S&M dominatrix dungeon. So, when you’ve done that, treat yourself by watching these great films. […]

It’s the weekend! Time to put your plans for terrible and bloody revenge into action. But if that sounds like a lot of work, then why not watch these great films instead. […]

It’s the weekend! You could pop round and see Ted and Leslie’s new conservatory but, let’s face it, Ted and Leslie are awful, so why not watch these great films instead. […]

It’s the weekend! Time to dance naked in veneration of our Lord Pan. […]

It’s the weekend, and because the World Cup’s on at Christmas because money, we’re going to have to watch these films instead […]

Watch films, you maniacs. […]

Best stay indoors with the curtains closed and an emergency stockpile of biscuits watching these great films. […]

It’s the weekend, and as the BBC refuse to bring back Noel Edmunds’ Multi-coloured Swap Shop, no matter how vociferous my letters, you may as well watch some of these ‘great’ films. […]

It’s the weekend. Time to lie on the sofa without any trousers on, eating your own body-weight in Malteasers and watching these great films […]

Good God, woman, this is no time for sitting about! It’s the weekend! And that can only mean one thing – It’s time to sit about. […]

It’s the weekend! I’m on holiday, so up yours! […]

It’s Easter, so according to the bible, you have to eat your entire bodyweight in egg-shaped chocolate […]

It’s the weekend! Give praise to the Dark Ones below who will one day devour us all, and then watch these great films. […]