It was my birthday yesterday, so I’d appreciate it if everyone could keep it down a little bit because I have a bit of a headache for some reason. Can’t think why. Probably coming down with something.
Anyway. Shh, and watch these great films.
Friday
Captain America: The Winter Soldier BBC1 22.40
What about Spring, Summer and Autumn (although you’d probably call it ‘Fall’ – idiot) eh Cap? Lazy
Total Recall ITV 22.45
Colin Farrell has his memories altered to make him forget that there was another, much better, version of this film made several years previously.
Geostorm 5* 21.00
Gerard Butler kicks weather in the face until it goes away.
Saturday
Tomorrow Never Dies ITV 20.00
James Bond saves world by getting off with her off of The Adventures of Lois and Clarke.
Secretly one of the good Bonds, but with a title so stupid and meaningless that it’s actively distracting for the first ten minutes.
Deadpool Channel 4 22.00
Smug, sweary superhero is smug and sweary for a couple of hours.
The Heat ITV2 21.00
McCarthy and Bullock are a Redford and Newman for our time. Excellent Spanx scene.
Not to be confused with Heat which is just three hours of grumpy old men shouting at each other. These Heat is fun.
Sunday
A Star is Born BBC2 22.00
Lady Gaga does a song. Bradley Cooper does a beard. Everyone gets over-excited.
Flatliners Syfy 21.00
Jack Bauer uses science to travel to the afterlife and discover the secret of really massive hair.
Das Boot GREAT! Movies 21.00
Epic German masterpiece about a boot.
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