Week Beginning 17th March

It’s the weekend, time for the proletariat to seize the means of production and achieve socialist utopia! Or, if that seems like far too much hard work, then these films should see you through the week*

An old-fashioned TV against a white background. Weekly Film Planner
A telly, on which you watch all these lovely films

The Breakfast Club Netflix

Five suspiciously old looking high school kids have to go and live in a school with the psycho from Trading Places. Cool goth is brainwashed into dressing up like Molly Ringwold. Everyone gets off with each other except the geeky one who ends up doing their homework for them. Features far too much Simple Minds, which is to say it features some Simple Minds.

The Karate Kid Netflix

Daniel Larusso wants to be Rocky but doesn’t know how to do boxing so teams up with janitor to learn how to do karate instead. He washes cars for ages to triumphant music then falls off a boat and, consequently, becomes brilliant at karate. Features lots of people who will grow up to star in a Netflix series about people doing karate. Coincidence? Or conspiracy? We will never know.

World War Z Amazon Prime

Zombies happen everywhere and Brad Pitt has to go and sort it out by being Brad Pitt at the zombies until they go away.

John Wick 2 Amazon Prime

John Wick’s still cross about his dog

The Negotiator Amazon Prime

Samuel L Jackson is brilliant at talking to people with hostages. So when he’s accused of murder he takes a load of hostages for some reason. So he can talk to himself about his hostages? I don’t know, it’s not made clear. Anyway, Kevin Spacey turns up and Sam talks to him about hostages, then they go and solve who did all the murders.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day Friday ITV4 23.05

Obnoxious child is obnoxious. His mum is cross about it so she does loads of press-ups. Arnold the Future Robot has to travel back in time to teach the child not to be obnoxious. They listen to heavy metal, ride motorcycles and blow up everything in America until obnoxious child learns a valuable lesson and goes on to do war with robots everywhere.

Lock-up Saturday AMC 21.00

Rocky goes to prison. Punches everyone. Leaves prison.

Cast Away Sunday Film4 21.00

Basketball gets shipwrecked on a deserted island and forms a bizarre friendship with a Tom Hanks that he finds in the wreckage.

*No Disney+ this week because their website is a big fat pile of balls and crashed my computer, but you’d imagine there’s stuff like Pinocchio and that, so fill your boots. But remember that Walt was an appalling person who kickstarted the Hollywood communist witchhunts because he didn’t like the people who worked for him trying to get a pay rise.


Now THAT, my friends, is what you call a TV film guide. Come back next week for more films and more guidance.