Well, it’s the weekend again, and that can only mean one thing – glorious revolution and smashing the patriarchy.
Although, that sounds like a lot of work. Let’s just watch films instead.
Friday
Fast and Furious 5 ITV 22.20
It’s all about family, if your family drives really quickly and robs banks in Rio.
Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again ITV2 17.50
I don’t understand this. Take some of the best songs ever written and make Pierce Brosnan sing them?
Nah, put Abba Gold on, drink some wine and have a little dance instead. Much more fun.
Escape to Victory ITV4 13.40
Sylvester Stallone wins war by doing football. They don’t teach you THAT in history.
Saturday
Darkest Hour BBC1 22.50
Gary Oldman wins Oscar for ‘Best Fat Suit’ for playing a man who has to wear a fat suit to win the war.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom ITV 20.00
All the dinosaurs come to live in a big house in America with one of the detectorists.
Fifty Shades of Grey 5* 21.00
Porn for people who want to pretend they’re not watching porn.
Sunday
Back to the Future Part III ITV 18.00
Marty travels back to the Old West where he’s disappointed to learn there’s no way to watch his parents get off with each other anymore. Pervo.
How the West was Won BBC2 13030
Longest film in the world. Tells the story of the Wild west, seemingly in real time. Finishes in 2025.
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