It’s the weekend! A perfect time to clean out your S&M dominatrix dungeon. So, when you’ve done that, treat yourself by watching these great films.
Friday
Armageddon ITV4 21.00
Bruce Willis saves the world by digging a big hole. No one says ‘armageddon outta here,’ which is, I think, a sad indictment of the state of the world.
Mission Impossible: Fallout Film4 21.00
Tom Cruise runs round London until the baddies go away.
Smokey and the Bandit Paramount 14.10
Blockbuster entertainment from a time when Burt Reynolds was acceptable. Your weirdo Uncle’s favourite film.
Saturday
Some Like it Hot BBC2 13.15
Men dress up as ladies with hilarious consequences. Not as good as Nuns on the Run? Well, nobody’s perfect.
Con Air ITV4 23.00
Nic Cage’s ponytail saves the day in classic film about convicts hijacking a plane and crashing into Las Vegas. Based on early Ibsen play.
Road House 5* 21.00
Well, Road House followed by Con Air? Who would ever have thought we should see such times? This is the greatest day in history. Remember where you were on this day, because one day you will tell your grandchildren of the day you could watch Road House followed by Con Air.
Sunday
Rocky ITV4 21.05
Rubbish boxer loses boxing match.
London Has Fallen GREAT! Movies 21.00
Cheery old London bobbies are really terrorist bastards and only Gerard Butler can stop them. Everything blows up in the first twenty minutes and the rest of the film is fighting in studios that look unconvincingly like alleyways.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York E4 18.40
A summer haze hangs in the air lawnmowers gentle hum. What better time to enjoy this evergreen Christmas classic?
Go home E4, you’re drunk.
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