‘Tough men shout at foreigners’ – Weekend Film Guide 17th June

It’s the weekend, and because the World Cup’s on at Christmas because money, we’re going to have to watch these films instead

Friday

The Mummy 5* 21.00

Terrifying ancient unstoppable Egyptian zombie chases Tom Cruise around the world for making a terrible, terrible remake of the classic Universal monster film

The Abyss Film4 18.15

Underwater aliens get cranky and threaten to destroy the world. Tbf, I’m on their side.

Nothing else

Has anyone told the TV people the World Cup isn’t on? Because there is knack all on. At this rate, we’re all going to have to go to the pub.

Saturday

Live and Let Die ITV 20.00

James Bond saves the world by being funky and getting off with many, many sexy ladies. Oh James.

Nude Nuns with Big Guns Horror Channel 12.45

Ingmar Bergman’s classic meditation on the nature of humanity. Won the Berlin Golden Bear, and the Palm D’or

The Sting ITV4 18.35

Biography of lead singer of The Police (the band, not the crime fighting force).

Sunday

Sleepless in Seattle Film4 18.50

Awful child inexplicably avoids getting put in a home.

Black Hawk Down Paramount 21.00

Tough men shout at foreigners. The favourite film of teenage boys who haven’t seen many films.

Buster GREAT! Movies 21.00

Drummer from Genesis robs a train. I assume the soundtrack features some perky covers of sixties classics and a moody ballad where Buster walks about in the rain and has a jolly good think about what he’s done.