It’s the weekend! Time to dance naked in veneration of our Lord Pan.
And after that, watch these great movies.
Friday
Fast & Furious 8 ITV 10.45
Vin Diesel and a cast of thousands save the world by driving their cars really fast and knacking on about family.
To Sir, With Love GREAT! Movies 21.00
Sidney Poitier! Lulu! Together at last. Thirty-something actor-types play hefty-looking schoolkids whose life is turned around when a major Hollywood star turns up to teach them about not being ‘sluttish’ and addressing each other by their surnames.
Cracking theme song that is so good they play it three times in the film.
Star Trek: Insurrection Film4 18.55
May the Force be with you
Saturday
Sliding Doors BBC3 21.00
Gwyneth Paltrow’s career diverges when she gets on a train. In one reality, she becomes a respected, Oscar-winning actress, in the other reality she sells magic vagina crystals to idiots.
Dante’s Peak 5* 18.50
James Bond beats up a volcano in small town America. They made two there’s-a-volcano-loose-in-America films in the same year. The nineties were weird.
Get Carter GREAT! Movies 23.15
Remake! Sylvester Stallone goes to Newcastle to duff everyone up, but is baffled by the accents.
Sunday
Shirley Valentine Channel 5 22.00
Woman goes on holiday. Seems happy about it.
Octopussy ITV 17.10
James Bong saves the world by getting off with some sexy, sexy ladies and dressing up as a clown. Oh James.
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