The film, called ‘Smurfs on the Block’ or something, will feature the small blue goblins having to form a hip-hop gang of street-dancers to save an orphanage from corrupt politicians and drug dealers. Probably. […]
“It needed to be something that would be profoundly damaging to the psyche of the Detective Mills character. Something that could break a man.” […]
“If there’s one thing Tolkien fans like nowadays it’s films that are far too long.” […]
The Shawshank Redemption remake will be called ‘The Pawshank Redemption.’ […]
‘Spiderman: Manspider,’ ‘Spiderman: Another One,’ ‘Spiderman: What’s that? 8? 9?’ And ‘Spiderman: Whatever,’ will be released on a monthly basis until Christmas […]
Vin Diesel was nineteen minutes into a speech about family when it became clear there’d been a terrible mistake. […]
I am offered popcorn in a box that could comfortably house a horse. Naturally, I refuse because I’m not an idiot […]
“Plot? Oh god, I don’t know, I suppose it’ll be about a piece of candy with big eyes who learns an important lesson” […]
“But it’s a bit bleak. I think what it’s crying out for is some ripper big, great colourful hip-hop musical numbers.” […]
The meteor in question – TZ4356 – will come within several million miles of Earth towards the end of 2021, and it is seen as the perfect opportunity for the screening […]
“It’s going to be intense. It’s going to be riveting. The minion will probably fart.” […]
“The plot will see us follow a Lego man with a 70s moustache as he offers to fix dodgy boilers of other Lego characters throughout a town named ‘Block-nksville’. […]
“More people flick through the Argos catalogue whilst sat on the toilet than any other book.” […]
“The problem is, whilst they look terrific in the camera, fully grown lions are extremely powerful and bitey.” […]
This is a heart-warming but gruesome tale of lunatics wielding meat cleavers, fetid animal carcasses and the ever present threat of pork chops. […]
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