Articles by Dan Sweryt

“We have brought in a couple of experts who assure us they will restore it to its former glory: a cricketer who thinks he’s a boxer and a tall man.” […]

“The series will cover exactly the same crimes, in exactly the same detail, but it’ll be animated and, instead of ‘sins’, the seven referred to will be the Seven Dwarfs.” […]

Both the movie and TV versions feature a very professional bodyguard assigned to look after a high-profile woman who then, inexplicably, get it on amidst a load of trouble. […]

“I went to see a film last week and, it was lucky I turned up three months early, as I had to round up some financiers in order to purchase a small box of salty popcorn at the counter.” […]

As he only owns a clapped out old Volvo with 600,000 miles on the clock. He turns to the only place he knows how to make a quick buck: Uber. […]

Middle-Aged Inclusive Pacifist Toads will feature amphibian sisters Lempicka, O’Keeffe, Rago and Kahlo and will largely see the quartet undertake large scale, grimy underworld conflict resolution. […]

Next MCU movie references so many previous movies there’s no time for its own plot […]

Based upon the original by William Shakespeare, though featuring none of the original words, King Lear! Yeah!, is a tragedy depicting the gradual descent into madness of a wrestler called The Rock (played by The Rock). […]

Hugh Jackman is expected to reprise his role as Barnum with a soundtrack written by Robson & Jerome, Mr Blobby and the previously uncapped Trent Alexander-Arnold. […]

“Unfortunately, the waitress who came in for the audition was ill-prepared for the role of Elastigirl, believing her to be something to do with sticking plasters.” […]

“We took the decision to not reveal the title so as not to give away the Infinity War spoiler, which is that Infinity War is all the story you’re getting.” […]

“The follow-up will have aliens who can only hunt by complete silence, so the lead character will be a one-man band who lives inside a reversing truck.” […]

One review, expected to be actually voiced by Ryan Reynolds himself, will hit you first on one cheek, then the other, then knee you in the crotch, whilst suggesting that the popular sequel is “IMMENSE!”, possibly pre- or post-ironically. […]

An all-star cast is led by Matt Damon, who plays a block. Ben Affleck has already signed up to play his best friend, a block.  As has George Clooney – to play a block, Brad Pitt will play a block. […]

“I was having a wee the other day and all I could hear was a heartfelt ballad from the cubicle about how the loo roll was running down.” […]