Reviews of Deadpool 2 will break the fourth wall and slap the reader about a bit, whilst wisecracking and knowingly mocking you, whilst treading a very fine line of legality.
One review, expected to be actually voiced by Ryan Reynolds himself, will hit you first on one cheek, then the other, then knee you in the crotch, whilst suggesting that the popular sequel is “IMMENSE!”, possibly pre- or post-ironically.
It will then walk around you whilst you try to catch your breath and just when you think you’re ready to deal with the second paragraph, karate chop you on the neck, sending your face slamming into the ground with R-rated force.
It will then laugh at how pathetic you are, then help you up by the arm before immediately kicking your legs out from under you before you’ve had time to focus on when it says the film is any good or not.
The review will continue to get more and more meta that you’re unable to decide whether it is reviewing itself or merely reviewing the process of reviewing.
You will then tear off the bottom half of the review only to be amazed as it grows back before your eyes, then punches you in the knackers.
Deadpool 2 will be released early from prison.
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