New JRR Tolkien biography to be far too long and feature events that didn’t happen in his life

Further details are emerging about the new JRR Tolkien biography starring Nicholas Hoult.

“Well, firstly we need it to be far too long,” said director Ralph Jackson.

“If there’s one thing Tolkien fans like nowadays it’s films that are far too long. Then we’re going to announce that it’s far too long and divide it up into three separate films and then make each of them far too long.”

The other detail that Tolkien fans will be particularly interested in are plans to include episodes that didn’t actually happen in his life.

“Yeah, if there’s one thing we’ve learnt with Tolkien it’s that if you’ve got a really good story, the best thing you can do if you’re making a film of the story is add a bunch of new stuff that wasn’t in the original story.”

“I mean, that’s just common sense.”

So, Tolkien fans can look forward to seeing the Oxford Professor scoring the winning goal in the 1966 World Cup, foiling an alien invasion, and discovering Spain.”

Mr Jackson also took the time to make a very special announcement about the future of the films.

“Well, and fans are going to love this,” he chuckled.

“We’ll probably give it a year or two, then release everything in a box set with even more stuff that didn’t happen in his life to make movies that are far too long even longer.”

“With four hundred years of extras about how we did it!”