Reviews

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Tidy Ken just kept playing Winner Takes it All on the jukebox at the Splintered Foot for about a year and it broke me, man. It just broke me. […]

You’re all checking it out, and there’s Sylvester Stallone going like ‘yeah, I’m totally breaking out of this other prison that I’m in for some reason,‘ and you’re like ‘cool, when Arnold Schwarzenegger rocks up, they’ll totally get out.’ Then it ends, man, without even a bit of Arnie.
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It’s like, The Rock goes to China and there’s this big block of flats he beats up all the bad guys because they hate the big block of flats and it’s like, yay The Rock. […]

Deer are like my friend Mucky Barry – they’ve got every right to go about doing their thing without getting shot. […]

They could do it so that Benicio Del Toro from the future comes back and goes ‘Hey, Josh Brolin, man. It’s your kids!’ And then they have to fly off to the future and then back to the past to replay the first film from slightly different angles and it all gets totally confusing. […]

The film is, on the surface, a simple affair. A number of men take to an area of grass and, using their legs, run. […]

Thing is though, could have been scarier. So, what it needed, right, is an evil dog. But not just a normal evil dog, an evil dog that talks. […]

This one has Starlord and his girlfriend’s shoes going to rescue the dinosaurs from a volcano because, you know, helping animals is totally what we do nowadays. […]

Luke and Leia were, like, totally the Prince and Princess of space and they had their space throne and space sofa and space bed, and they’d go to their space bed and, you know, have amazing space sex. […]

Right, so this greatest X-man dude came out on DVD this week, so I figured I’ll go to Sainsbury’s for a big shop and pick it up at the same time. Kill two birds with one stone. Except, don’t kill the birds, man. With stones or anything. That’s totally not cool. […]

Potato peel pie flavoured fudge. I mean, think about it, man. You’re there, you’re going to see the potato peel pie film and you want some totally thematically satisfying fudge and what have you got? Vanilla flavour? Chocolate? You’ve got nothing. […]

You can just be a gnome, just totally sitting there, you know, doing fishing or just maybe cheekily showing your arse, and someone can come along and kidnap you. […]

Right, so, this is totally a big deal to you dudes, massive film. Avengers: Infinity War. Biggest film released since, you know, We bought a Zoo. […]

So, I’m there, I’ve watched the adverts and am definitely considering investing in a new Audi because then I can totally discover a whole new sense of freedom and purpose in my life. […]