Right, so I’m chilling and getting my fudge before going to see the potato pie dudes film, and I have this genius idea.
Potato peel pie flavoured fudge. I mean, think about it, man. You’re there, you’re going to see the potato peel pie film and you want some totally thematically satisfying fudge and what have you got? Vanilla flavour? Chocolate? You’ve got nothing.
So, I’m like, I got to do this, and I totally leg it down to The Splintered Foot because it’s half-day closing and Sticky Simon who runs the sweet shop will be in for the afternoon.
I explain to him about the thematically satisfying potato peel pie flavoured fudge and he totally falls off his stool.
Six pints of Kronenbourg is a powerful thing, man.
I get him back up and he’s on board and we’re about to go and crank up the fudge machine in the back of his shop and he falls off his stool again.
Six pints of Kronenbourg, man.
He decides that he, like, probably shouldn’t use heavy machinery in his current state and he may need to be sick, but he does have a phone number for Cadbury.
This is probably totally for the best. No one really goes into Sticky Simon’s shop any more because of the smell, but Cadbury’s fudge? That goes in loads of shops.
I dial the number, and its ringing, and I’m thinking – yeah, this is the big one, I’m going to be, like, richer than Vernon Kaye – and I catch myself and hang up.
I’d totally got caught up in the capitalist machine, man. I didn’t get into film reviewing to become a fudge magnate. It’s the art, man. The art.
I go back to the cinema, buy some vanilla fudge and check them film out.
It was alright.
Screen Idle star rating *** – thematically unsatisfying fudge, but that’s okay. Better than selling out your principles.
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