Review – Skyscraper

Yeah, so excellent news, The Rock and a block of flats, you know, together at last.

It’s like, The Rock goes to China and there’s this big block of flats he beats up all the bad guys because they hate the big block of flats and it’s like, yay The Rock.

So, I’m on my way home after checking the film out and I walk through the park and the swings and slide are all, like, knacked and there’s all empty cans of Tennents everywhere, except for one which is half full.

Bonus.

I chill for a bit and drink some Tennents and I’m like, what about if there was a film about The Rock coming to the park and, like, seeing all the knacked swings and empty cans of Tennents and Pissy Andy asleep on the bench.

He’d be like ‘No way, man, I’m the Rock, and I’m going to sort this park out,’ and so he takes Pissy Andy home and gives him a shower and buys him some of those pads he can put in his pants so he isn’t so pissy, and then tidies up the cans, and fixes the swings and slide.

Then, the Council turns up and goes ‘hey The Rock, you can’t do that to the swings, that’s council business,’ and The Rock is like ‘No way, man, these are my business,’ and then the council send in their goons and they’re all about to duff The Rock up, but everyone from the estate comes out of their houses and goes ‘Hey man, leave The Rock alone, he’s just trying to sort out the park,’ and they duff up the council goons who all totally run away.

Then everyone from the estate gives The Rock a medal for sorting out the park, and it stays nice forever.

That’d be a great film.

Then I finish the can and go to put it in a bin, but the bin’s all full, so I leave it just next to the bin and go home.

Screen Idle star rating *** – Decent, but when’s The Rock going to sort out the park, man?