It’s the weekend and, my god, there’s a lot of sport on. No one wants to get involved in all that nonsense, so best watch these films instead.
Friday
The Mark of Zorro Film4 12.45
There’s Legend of Zorro and Mark of Zorro. One’s crap, one’s genius. Can’t remember which, so…best of luck. Hope it works out.
Real Steel Sony Movie Channel 21.00
Wolverine trains a robot to box. Would probably save a lot more time if Wolverine did the boxing as he’s quite tough.
Electric Dreams Sony Movie Channel 14.55
Mad eighties nonsense about falling in love with a computer. Total rubbs, but the theme tune is the greatest song ever. Fact.
Saturday
The Green Mile Film4 21.00
Longest film ever, you can fit two Titanics and a Lord of the Rings in the length of this film. Basically, innocent man gets done for murder but has a magic mouse so everyone’s happy.
The Bourne Supremacy ITV 21.55
Matt Damon duffs up a load of bad guys with various household objects – magazine, packet of fish fingers, sofa. Might feature Clive Owen, or that might be another one.
It Always Rains on Sunday Talking Pictures TV 12.55
Didn’t last Sunday, it was lovely. It’s the lies I can’t stand.
Sunday
Back to the Future Film4 14.00
Existential drama about getting off with your mum
Hell or High Water Channel 4 22.15
High water, obviously. I mean, you’re going to have to swim and you might get a bit out of puff, but that’s better than an eternity of damnation and torture isn’t it?
Unless the high water is in Preston. In which case, I’d pick Hell.
The Equalizer 5*
Thriller about a tough man doing difficult sums.
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