Reviews

I’d been totally looking forward to checking this flick out too, I mean – Thor Ragnarok – we finally get to find out what Thor’s surname is. It’s, like, totally the mystery of everything. […]

So, I’m walking to the cinema, pretty excited to see Gerard Butler punch weather in the face, and it totally starts raining, and I think ‘woah.’ […]

Wearily, I repair to the multiplex where I am, once more, forced to endure the company of a catalogue of grotesques and their mewling spawn as they honk and bray their way through a dismal cavalcade of noise and idiocy. […]

I find myself squeezed into a torturous seat next to a man who smells faintly of animal eating his own body-weight in chocolate raisins and boasting of his travails in a toilet cubicle at ‘Dukes’ with a young woman of dubious hygiene and reputation. […]

Some adverts start. They’re about cars and are totally interesting. I agree with one of the adverts that maybe I do deserve freedom to break free from my life. But I checked and the car they were advertising was £13,000, and I work in HMV. […]

What appalling crime must have I committed in previous life to condemn me to this regular infliction of histrionic offal that is cinema in 2017. […]

“I need you to review it,” he demands, clearly eating what, having met the man, I would assume is some form of pastried comestible. I have no idea to what he refers. […]

The movie centres on a guy called Morris E a guy with big ass chin and some flowers. […]

I begin to feel assailed by a baffling assault of light and sound and can only conclude that the film, such as it is, has begun. […]

“I think there is something really wrong with the screening I saw!  The whole screen was fuzzy right through the whole showing! ” […]

Although set largely on another planet at a point in the future, the film is more relevant to how we live our lives today than films about how we live our lives today. […]