Oh delight. A ninety-minute-long advert for toys. There was a time when great art was achieved in the cinematic form – Murnau, Ford, Ozu, Rossellini. Towering works of spectacle and insight. Now, however, we are reduced to an hour and a half of small plastic men calling each other ‘dude.’
Wearily, I repair to the multiplex where I am, once more, forced to endure the company of a catalogue of grotesques and their mewling spawn as they honk and bray their way through a dismal cavalcade of noise and idiocy.
In fact, so angered am I at the fatuousness displayed onscreen that I attempt communication with one of my fellow patrons and enquire why, for the love of all that is decent, would he put himself and his family through this foolishness.
I assure him that I am not ‘some sort of poof’ and am genuinely interested.
Apparently, the answer is that ‘it’s a laugh isn’t it?’
I reason with him mayhap the wit and pathos of Monsieur Hulot’s charming adventures would prove a far more humorous spectacle than this dismal trawl through the bargain section of a toy shop.
Neither he, nor his family ‘can be arsed with subtitles,’ before I can continue our spirited debate I am advised to ‘do one.’
I exit into the drizzle of a dreary London night, unsure whether to feel greater despair for the medium of cinema or for humanity
Screen Idle star rating for The Lego Ninjago Movie
Oh do shut up.
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