Reviews

I guess the Greatest Showman is going to be either Paul Daniels or Bruce Forsyth because they could do loads of stuff […]

It’s a ‘beautiful and tender exploration of sexual awakening,’ which you don’t get a lot of in the Cockerel’s Foot on the High Street, not since Big Mick’s took it over anyway. So I was well up for checking it out. […]

From there we move swiftly into the plot which sees Rey, Finn, and Eleven cloning Obi-Wan Kenobi from a toenail that they found in an old sock he left in the space-laundrette at Mos Eisley. […]

“Neil Young, I love Neil Young, but he has a really problem with singing so we could have really improved that with a Daft Punk style vocoder” […]

Freed from the familial structure the boy descends into feral madness and crime, first talking to the cellar heater and then stealing a toothbrush. […]

You should never kill deers, man. Like ever. […]

The bond amongst the cartoon animals, some nutty, some naughty, in their quest to save the park, is redolent of the quiet and noble resistance in Rossellini’s Rome: Open City. […]

It’s not funny but, it’s not supposed to be. There’s no, like, cute but wise talking animals either. It’s a totally weird cartoon. […]

Lean, Kurosawa, Ray, these are all masters of the art form and yet, watching Daddy’s Home 2 it feels as if the likes of Lawrence of Arabia and Ran were merely the clumsy stumblings of an infant. […]

I walk to the cinema to see a film called Justice League about a group of men and women who wear brightly coloured costumes and do battle against some elaborate special effects. […]

This is messed up. So, it’s this bear, okay? But get this, it talks. Seriously man, they got a talking bear. […]

The lights dim and a cavalcade of sparkly commercialism vomits forth from the screen. The migraine it causes is a cold metal spike into my brain. I like it. The pain is life. The little ponies are death. Death ponies. […]

I’ve totally got to go and see Murder on the Orient Express because that gross fat guy who runs Screen Idle was all like ‘hey you, go and watch Murder on the Orient Express and  give me 200 words’ except with loads more swearing and bad wind. […]

The film begins and I am subjected to a catalogue of genital references, erections, and vibratory before someone learns a valuable lesson towards the end […]

Following the usual nonsense claiming that the purchase of a mobile phone will be the gateway to a lifetime of hand-gliding, snowboarding, and sex with attractive young people the film begins, and it is my duty to report to you that it is a masterpiece. […]