The Last Waltz to be remade with Maroon 5, Justin Bieber and Rhianna

Martin Scorsese’s classic documentary of The Band’s last ever concert – The Last Waltz – is to be remade for a modern audience with Maroon 5 taking the role of The Band and guests including Justin Bieber, Rhianna, and an awful lot if popstars you’ve never heard of.

“Well obviously, the Last Waltz is a tremendous picture,” said producer Kathleen Howard

“But it has it problems. I mean, there are no really hip hop dance routines, unless you count Van Morrison’s high kicks during Caravan.

“Imagine if, during ‘Further on down the road,’ instead of a boring guitar solo, they’d broken the song down to the beat and brought on a troop of sexy ladies to do a sexy hip hop dance. It could have really worked.”

“Neil Young, I love Neil Young, but he has a really problem with singing so we could have really improved that with a Daft Punk style vocoder”

The remake will feature all the artists miming to prerecorded backing tracks and will take place in a big soulless arena that doesn’t serve beer. It will be distributed exclusively via YouTube.

“We just want to bring it up to date for a modern audience,” said Ms Howard

“And if we can annoy the sort of people who don’t like young girls wearing Black Sabbath T-shirt because ‘they don’t even know one Sabbath song’ then all the better”