Review – Call Me by Your Name

Call Me by Your Name

So yeah, like, Call Me by Your Name and that. I totally nearly got to see this properly.

It’s a ‘beautiful and tender exploration of sexual awakening,’ which you don’t get a lot of in the Cockerel’s Foot on the High Street, not since Big Mick’s took it over anyway. So I was well up for checking it out.

I’m totally in the cinema and I’m, like, ‘yeah, got to get some treats, man.’

So I’m there, yeah? And I’m trying to figure out if white chocolate mice or liquorice laces are more suitable for a beautiful and tender exploration of sexual awakening, and I get totally paralysed by choice.

You know, there’s, like, literally a million different pick and mix things and you’ve got to get it right, you know? So, yeah I settle on white chocolate mice because, I don’t know man, liquorice laces seem more of a light comedy of manners thing.

But then I notice the jelly beans, and, you know, jelly beans have got ‘beautiful and tender exploration of sexual awakening’ written all over them. Not literally though, that would be a massive bean.

Then there’s the chocolate honeycomb, the cola bottles, rhubarb sucky sweets, smarties…loads, man.

Although not chocolate raisins, man. There’s never a good time for chocolate raisins

I just stand there for, like, ages before this wall of excellent treats, totally memorised like I’m in some sort of sweet treat trance and in the end I settle on some cola cubes and I’m about to go in but I’ve been choosing for so long that it’s totally reached its heart-breaking, bittersweet yet satisfying conclusion.

So I go to the Cockerel’s Foot instead, may not be any chance of any beautiful and tender exploration of sexual awakening going on, but Mick’s totally got scampi fries.

Screen Idle rating *** Cola cubes were decent.