This is messed up. So, it’s this bear, okay? But get this, it talks. Seriously man, they got a talking bear. He’s there in the film totally talking and everything and everyone in the cinema is laughing and having a great time and I’m like ‘dudes, that’s a talking bear right there.’
There was this dude, right, called Mr Knowledge, except that wasn’t his real name because he had to live totally off the grid because the government were on his case because of what he knew.
So, we were in the Splintered Foot one night and Mr Knowledge was, like, totally clueing me in to the insidious ways of the Government over a few pints of Fusty Bumknacker and he said the Government had totally trained squirrels to spy on, like, the people to make sure they weren’t, you know, claiming benefits if they were working, even if that work was just writing film reviews.
He also said that cheese had been genetically engineered to make people not want to punch Simon Cowell in the face, which sometimes works, if you think about it.
So, now I’m in the cinema and I’m totally watching this talking bear and I’m thinking, you know, is this the government’s new nefarious plan to keep the population in order because, yeah, the bear was all nice and did jokes and that, but it was still a bear, man. If the government made everyone have a bear in their house then that would be a way of keeping the population totally in line and unquestioning.
Scary, man.
Screen Idle star rating **** A terrifying look into a future where the Government totally forces everyone to have a bear in their house, but there’s a really funny bit in a barbershop.
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