Jurassic Park films have been around for, like, ages now. It all started with Jurassic Park in 1993 where Father Christmas had a totally genius plan to have tourists fly out to a remote island and be chased around by dinosaurs and Jeff Goldblum.
Then they made a load of films that were the same except, like, they didn’t all have Jeff Goldblum and sometimes the dinosaurs can fly.
This one has Starlord and his girlfriend’s shoes going to rescue the dinosaurs from a volcano because, you know, helping animals is totally what we do nowadays.
So, the whole dinosaurs crossed with a volcano idea is actually pretty cool, but what they totally should have done, you know, if they were going to make a crossover film, is to cross over dinosaurs and Star Wars, that would be totally cool.
So, you’d start with, like, an Ewok just, you know, chilling and going about his Ewok life, and then this dinosaur totally eats him.
It turns out that, like, the corrupt capitalist corporation decided to make a dinosaur theme park in space and they used the Ewok planet because, you know, who cares about Ewoks, right?
So then, you’ve got all the dinosaurs going about and eating Ewoks and Ben Kenobi goes ‘No way, man, dinosaurs eating Ewoks is totally against the Force,’ and, like, him, Luke, and Han go in and take all the dinosaurs off the Ewok planet and drop them right in the headquarters of the corrupt capitalist corporation so that all the capitalists get eaten and the dinosaurs run the corporation in a way that’s respectful of, like, nature and Ewoks and the Force.
Then they all have a nice party on the Ewok planet.
You could call it Jurassic Wars: Revenge of the Dino-Sith.
Screen-Idle star rating ***. Decent, but not as good as Jurassic Wars: Revenge of the Dino-Sith would be.
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