Yeah, so there was this totally classic film called Escape Plan about Sylvester Stallone having to break out of jail and not even use arm-wrestling to do so.
He made friends with Arnold Schwarzenegger and they were both like ‘dude, we are totally breaking out of jail, man,’ but The Man who, like, totally ran the jail was all like ‘No way Arnie and Sly, you’re totally staying in my jail,’ then they escaped and The Man was all like ‘no way.’
So, good times, right? Right. So, totally stoked that they’ve done a sequel.
Big problem, though.
Okay so, I’ve, like, wrestled with my, you know, conscience and that and I’m going to do something I’ve, like, never done before and that’s do a spoiler.
Although, isn’t any review a spoiler? I mean, if Mark Kermode is all, like, ‘yeah, Transformers made me want dig my nipples out with a spoon,’ you could totally argue that he’s spoiling it for people who might want to be surprised that Transformers makes you want to dig your nipples out with a spoon.
So, you know, if Kermode can do his Transformer nipple spoiler, then I’m going for it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger isn’t in this!
Yeah man, it’s, like, what? You’re all checking it out, and there’s Sylvester Stallone going like ‘yeah, I’m totally breaking out of this other prison that I’m in for some reason,‘ and you’re like ‘cool, when Arnold Schwarzenegger rocks up, they’ll totally get out.’
Then it ends, man, without even a bit of Arnie.
So, you know, bad review, man. I feel cheated. It should be called, you know, Escape Plan 2 without Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Screen Idle star rating * – If a film doesn’t have Arnold Schwarzenegger in, then it should be clear about not having Arnold Schwarzenegger in otherwise, how are you going to trust anyone?
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