Month: December 2019

“It used to be all baby Jesus and going round Mum’s for turkey, but nowadays Christmas is all about Carry On films.” […]

The announcement follows a year-long scientific study into the film using complicated physics and really hard sums. […]

“I’m sure that really set the cat amongst the pigeons, or cat amongst the porgs,” he chuckled […]

The little boy goes out and finds that Christmas will be cancelled unless he finds a missing reindeer, so he uses an implausible plot device to get his Dad to help him. […]

Everyone goes to a party, has a nice singalong to Slade and then goes home without anyone getting shot or having an affair. […]

“It’s a disgrace. Look at Dion Dublin. That man played for England! The least he deserves is a Golden Globe nomination.” […]

“People can take comfort in the fact that the women’s size has been accurately described in the title.” […]

“Someone on the nomination committee then suddenly remembered that a friend of his wife had mentioned that Ms Gerwig didn’t have a penis.” […]

“When the Thought Police come for him, Wonder Woman jumps out and lassos all of them and saves Winston. ” […]

A Peloton is an exercise bike that connects to the internet to allow a taut woman in New York to shout slogans at you while you cycle. […]

“It’s like, they broke my childhood into little pieces three years ago and now they’ve come back to destroy those little pieces.” […]

“Lady Mary’s crippling heroin addiction will be at the heart of the film.” […]