“My latest haul,” wrote the man, as if he were describing sea-sodden gold pieces robbed from the king’s own man-o-war. […]

“There is an audible pop as each smurf bursts and smurf viscera squirts across the field.” […]

“It’s a vulnerability. Well, you would feel vulnerable battling ten henchman in an alleyway with your plums out.” […]

The new film sees Q discover the James Bond multiverse while trying to invent an egg-timer that can decapitate a horse. […]

“It is neither a remake nor sequel to the 1982 animated classic The Secret of Nimh.” […]

“Clark,” explained his father, “you must use your powers only to protect the rich, powerful and fat.” […]

“I would say that the Scarlett Johansson in the film is as perfect as it gets. Anyone watching that is going to think it’s a real Scarlett Johansson.” […]

“Oh my god, Jessica, I can’t believe you said ‘bum’ and ‘willy’ – you’re so unfiltered.” […]

“It’s the original odd couple. Well, okay, the Odd Couple was the original odd couple but this is hilarious stuff anyway.” […]

“I don’t think we’ll ever get to the stage where an AI is prepared to pay £10 for popcorn and a coke.” […]

“I’m visionary. It says so on my Wikipedia page,” he said. […]

“The film will deal with the relationship between two of the worst human beings of modern times.” […]

“A sexy Jester in a bra dances a routine that uses sensual movement to provide a scabrous and bitter condemnation of repressive states.” […]

“That will really get over the feeling of playing this game to people unfamiliar with it.” […]

“Bowser is a good guy. A very good guy. I always play him on Mario Kart.” […]