Trump pardons Bowser

US President Donald Trump has continued his controversial swathe of pardons with the most high-profile yet; Bowser.

Whilst Bowser has kidnapped Princess Peach on several occasions and has even launched an insurrection with the hope of conquering the Mushroom Kingdom, he was a high-profile donor to the Trump campaign.

“Bowser is a good guy. A very good guy. I always play him on Mario Kart,” explained the President. 

“I think he’s been very unfairly treated by Biden and by Super Mario. Super Mario is always jumping on his head and that’s not very nice. I don’t think that’s very nice. So, yeah, I’m pardoning the guy because he’s a nice guy, a good guy, he’s always been fine to me.”

Mario has cautioned against the pardon.

“I would urge the President to reconsider this. It is clear from his history that Bowser will, on release, immediately either kidnap Princess Peach or attempt to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom. Most likely both,” said the moustachioed plumber.

“I’ll then have to spend twenty or so hours running and jumping through a series of colourful areas to defeat him. Okay, some people find that fun, but think about me, about Princess Peach, about the people who live in Mushroom Kingdom. It’s not fun for them.”

Finally, he added “It’s-a me, Mario,” and ran off.

Bowser issued the following statement through his legal team.

“Roar, roar, roar. Growl. Roar. Growl.”