Month: April 2019

“Playing Computer Game Simulator is going to feel like you are actually sat at a desk somewhere and playing an actual computer game.” […]

“George? He was terrific. He even directed a scene. I mean, we had to cut it, there just wasn’t the time to introduce a comedy alien who farts and speaks in a cod-Jamaican accent.”
[…]

Initial rumours had Freddie Mercury impersonator Rami Malek in line for the newest Bond villain. But instead, producers have decided on a more philosophical approach. […]

“This has nothing to do with a particular incident. For all we know, VAR night agree that Green Book was a better film than Roma, or The Favourite, or Blackkklansman.”
[…]

“It’s definitely an HR department’s worst nightmare,” said a senior HR representative at Downey and Hemsworth Solutions Ltd. […]

In fact, it is rumoured that the film will open with Frodo being pleasured by two naked female hobbits while Samwise Gamgee looks on, confused about his feelings for his ‘master’ Frodo. […]

“We got a lot of push-back for decisions made in our previous game. On reflection, it was a mistake to include loot boxes, microtransactions and the guy coming round to your house to demand cash or he’ll break your arms.”
[…]

“I mean, if you’ve ever been to Croydon then the resemblance is incredible, I mean, we really nailed that.” […]

Like The Haunting of Hill House the new Thriller series will take the original story – a man dying, coming back to life, and then having a dance – and expanding it, twisting it and turning it into a gripping ten-part serial. […]

It is understood that the beginning of the film will see Mark Hamill, or ‘Luke Skywalker’ as he’s known to fans, at the bottom of the escalator. […]

“I understand the twelve people who own a Classic really quite enjoyed it for the fifteen minutes or so they played with it after Christmas Dinner.” […]

Jamie Stark, a part-time boil-lancer from Chelmsford, Essex, made the decision to dislike the new Game of Thrones episode several weeks before he saw it as he was under the mistaken impression that people would think him to be some sort of free-thinking iconoclast. […]

“Way we figured it, children are really, really stupid and will watch anything, so rather than think up anything new, we’ll just knock out a new Smurfs picture.” […]