It’s the weekend! It’s great weather! So, make sure you close those curtains really tight to prevent any sunshine getting in, and then enjoy these great films.
Saturday
The Shawshank Redemption ITV4 21.50
Man goes to prison, puts up a poster and then does lots of hard sums. Warden gives him pie with disastrous consequences.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Channel 5 14.30
Psychopath tortures children and makes dwarf slaves sing for his entertainment.
The Spy Who Loved Me ITV 13.25
Aging serial murderer murders people and gets off with variety of sexy, sexy ladies.
Sunday
Jurassic Park ITV2 19.20
Inadequate visitor facilities ruin everyone’s day in what-could-possibly-go-wrong dinosaur classic.
Where Eagles Dare ITV4 15.45
Disappointing lack of birds of prey in classic war film that sees confused Clint Eastwood battle to his way into Nazi fortress and then back out again for no clear reason.
William and Catherine: A Royal Romance True Entertainment 03.00
Bald chap pulls underwear model. Sequel sees him upstaged by more popular younger brother.
New at the cinema this weekend
Hellboy
Can’t be as bad as everyone says.
Oh.
DVD of the weekend
Roadhouse
Criminal mastermind maintains luxury lifestyle and private army by menacing shopkeepers in small town. Patrick Swayze and his mullet save town by punching everyone when he should be at work as bouncer.
Contender for greatest film of all time.
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