Wearily, I repair to the multiplex where I am, once more, forced to endure the company of a catalogue of grotesques and their mewling spawn as they honk and bray their way through a dismal cavalcade of noise and idiocy. […]
“It’s not as if the original was that great. I mean, it was alright, but I remember that when it came out in the nineties, it felt a bit derivative.” […]
Superhero fans who head to the cinema to watch ‘Spiderman 7: Another Spiderman Movie’ are excited by the new plans. […]
The announcement has been welcomed by cinephiles, but has left many nine-year-olds, whose experience with the post-war Italian neo-realist movement is spotty at best, bemused. […]
The tickets will have the name and location of the cinema in which the screening takes place printed along the top, they will also have the timing of the screening and, most excitingly of all, across the centre of the ticket will be the words ‘Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi.’ […]
In second place was Kate Bush, and in third place David Blaine who, since Paul Daniels’ passing, becomes the world’s most powerful professional wizard. […]
“Leo was the only actor who I ever really saw portraying an anthropomorphic penguin. He has that capacity to really find the humanity of a character, something that isn’t going to be easy when you’re playing a penguin.” […]
“I’ve already devised a 247-film story arc that will start with the Desperate Dan origins story. That will be followed by how Dennis became a Menace then how the Bash Street Kids formed.” […]
“We had absolutely no idea what Errol was doing, no idea at all. We didn’t know if he had suffered sort of stroke and was going to bite her, or whether he had merely momentarily lost his balance.” […]
“I mean, Scorsese doing the joker? It would be like The Dark Knight, but with actual swearing. Amazing.” […]
I recall one afternoon we’d caught a tremendous pace as we raced down past the outskirts of the zoo and, stopping to relax together on one of the benches there, Jeremy told the most remarkable story about his time on the outstanding Die Hard With a Vengeance picture. […]
I find myself squeezed into a torturous seat next to a man who smells faintly of animal eating his own body-weight in chocolate raisins and boasting of his travails in a toilet cubicle at ‘Dukes’ with a young woman of dubious hygiene and reputation. […]
“Obviously, frontier life in America has been fertile ground for TV and movies, but there has never been a frontier story from the point of view of the bears.” […]
“The entire concept of a single human soul being governed by a committee is the very essence of communism,” said Professor Jeremy Phat-Beats, who may or who may not have been drinking.” […]
“We pick up the story after Iceman and Maverick were expelled from the US Air Force for committing an act in a shower after a particularly intense game of Volleyball.” […]
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