Roller Blading with Jeremy Irons

Sheridan Monkhouse is director of classics such as Hellmare, Platinum Desire, and The Canine Dimension. He writes exclusively for Screen Idle

Jeremy Irons is an outstanding man. We often go roller blading together in London’s Regents Park. He retains his anonymity by wearing one of those John McEnroe sweat bands around his head and a monocle. Honestly, he becomes practically anonymous.

I recall one afternoon we’d caught a tremendous pace as we raced down past the outskirts of the zoo and, stopping to relax together on one of the benches there, Jeremy told the most remarkable story about his time on the outstanding Die Hard With a Vengeance picture.

Bruce Willis, an outstanding man who, surprisingly, makes a genuinely magnificent Battenberg cake, had been mercilessly bullied on the second Die Hard picture by Robert Patrick.

It seems that Robert was jealous of Bruce’s recording career. Bruce, as I’m sure you know, had a big hit in the late eighties with The Return Of Bruno, whereas Robert’s record Electric Jazz Piano with Robert Patrick had only sold six copies.

So, every day, on set, Robert Patrick would give Bruce Willis a Chinese burn, kick him in the shins and steal his lunch money.

When Die Hard With a Vengeance began filming, Bruce Willis, determined not to be the victim of any further bullying immediately marched over to Jeremy Irons, stole his script and threw it in a tree.

Well, Jeremy handled the whole affair remarkably. Recognising Bruce Willis’ troubled nature, instead of felling him with a roundhouse kick – Jeremy had an extensive knowledge of martial arts from his times working with Emma Thompson – he sat him down and talked to him. After a few minutes Bruce was sobbing like a baby and the pair of them had become firm friends.

Just another example of how Jeremy Irons’ philosophy of talking over violence has made the world a better place.

Perhaps Kim Jong-Un and President Trump could take a lesson from him.