There was widespread relief across the internet at news that producers have confirmed the upcoming Ghostbusters: Afterlife will not feature a single woman or girl.
“We’re not making that same mistake again. No way,” said producer Stewart James.
“I can confirm that there are absolutely no females in this film at all. Not one. So, you know, there’s nothing for men to get upset about here.”
Mr James explained that a female cat nearly slipped through the net and was almost in the finished film.
“Oh man, the cat. Yeah, we were in final post-production and someone noticed there was a cat in the background of one shot and it was, you know, it was pretty obviously female.
We know how some men might have reacted to seeing a lady cat in a Ghostbusters film, so the special effects guys were pulled back in and they CGI’d a penis onto the cat.
“We then had the animal wrangler shot.”
Fans expressed relief at the news.
“No women in Ghostbusters: Afterlife? This is great news,” tweeted @ghostbustingMANactually.
“When that last film came out with all the women in, my cock and balls fell off because my gender had been so impugned at the suggestion that ladies could catch ghosts.
“I won’t have to worry about that again with this new film and that’s just the best news.”
Whilst the news that there are only men in the new film has been largely welcomed, there is some disappointment that it won’t feature any romance like the classic eighties films.
“No romance? Are you crazy? There is a bunch of romance,” laughed Mr James.
“All the Ghostbusters are in a polyamorous homosexual relationship. Some of the Dads are seeing each other. We even got a couple of gay penguins in the film because, you know, who doesn’t love a gay penguin.
“Ghostbusters: Afterlife is the most flamingly homosexual mainstream film ever. So, I don’t see anything for men on the internet to get crazy about there.”
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*Alright, perhaps ‘love’ is pushing it, maybe ‘be mildly diverted by’
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Avatar 3 to take place in James Cameron’s mind.
James Cameron has announced that the third in his series of Avatar films will take place entirely in his head.
Viewers will need to use a revolutionary new ‘mind-meld’ technique that will allow them access the Titanic director’s brain and have Avatar play out in his imagination.
“James Cameron is one of cinema’s greatest pioneers,” said Cameron expert Stan Chaplin
“For Avatar, he really developed 3D technology, for Titanic, he invented a camera that would withstand the depths of the Atlantic and for Terminator 2 he famously invented his ‘time camera’ that allowed him to film in the future when computers had taken over the world.”
“I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that he’d been able to create the technology that allows people to access his brain.”
The developments could make the third Avatar unlike anything previously seen in the movies.
“I think all bets are off when it comes to what James has planned for Avatar 3. It’s going to be wild. It’s going to be insane. It’ll be full of crazy stuff we can’t even conceive of like talking dogs or upside-down houses.”
“Crazy.”
Mr Cameron is so confident of the success of Avatar 3 that plans are already underway for Avatar 4 to take place in the neural net of James Cameron’s robot clone.
Written by a butthurt female obviously
What a relief!!! This sounds SOOOO much better than Ghostbusters 2016!!! 😂
Another fucking Trump plot to claim that the election was rigged?? 🤷♂️ This isn’t worth a coment even. 🤦