A new Transformers film has been announced leading many theologians to conclude that God has forsaken humanity and we are now in the End Times.
Although little is known about the film, it is expected to feature big robots shouting at each other and herald the end of days.
“I can draw no other conclusion,” said Stewart James, a Bishop and well-respected theological expert.
“The other Transformers films were surely a warning from God, a punishment for our folly. To have yet another one in production can only mean that we have not heeded his warning and the end of the world is upon us.
“What other purpose can a new Transformers film serve? Certainly not entertainment.”
Bishop James had little advice for those facing the end of the world.
“I don’t know, wear a hat or something? It’s the end of everything. I’m not sure I can really offer any advice.
“Even if there was, everyone ignored my advice when the first Transformers film came out – I said don’t treat it as a bit of harmless fun, but as the punishment from God that it so obviously was. Let’s all change our ways, I said. But no, everyone liked the shouty robots and Megan Fox bending over and just carried on.
“This is what you get.”
However, fans of the franchise were upbeat.
“I think people are a bit snobby about Transformers,” said Kelly Grace.
“I mean, they might be a bit noisy and shallow and signal the death of humanity, but they’re also really exciting and quite funny sometimes. I’ll probably watch the new one.”
Transformers: All of Humanity Must Feel the Wrath of The Lord and Perish will be released next year. It is unlikely to come to streaming.
Some links to other bits of the blog that you’ll love*…
*Alright, perhaps ‘love’ is pushing it, maybe ‘be mildly diverted by’
Want to know what’s on telly this weekend? No problem, click on this Weekend Film Guide
Want to impress friends with your superior film knowledge? You’ll be wanting the Fun Facts page.
Or, if links aren’t your thing, here’s an old article you might like…
New Dungeons and Dragons set to have Battle Royale mode
There was surprise amongst fans as it was revealed that a new expansion to the venerable table top rpg would feature a Battle Royale mode.
D&D publishers Wizards of The Coast explained how a Battle Royale mode would work in a table top rpg.
“How would it work? I don’t- I thought we could just put Battle Royale on the box and then spend the rest of our lives sleeping on a big pile of money,” said bemused representative Ember Gimble.
“Okay, okay, so how about this. You hide, like, a bunch of dice and miniatures in a field and then get a hundred friends in a plane and everyone jumps out of the plane into the field and has to find anything from the expansion pack and throw it at another player.
“If you get hit then you have to leave the field and go and have a disappointing snack.
“Last player in the field wins a pizza.
Mr Gimble confirmed the unconventional new mode would feature the classic Dungeon Master role.
“Yeah, sure, why not. They can shout stuff.”
“Can we have some Battle Royale money now, please.”
The expansion Dungeons and Dragons: Screw it, let’s try Battle Royale will be available later this year.
Be the first to comment