In a stunning scientific development, a new bullet-proof vest has been invented that doesn’t require the wearer to immediately rip open his or her shirt after having been shot.
“The bullet-proof vest has been a boon for the military and for law-enforcement,” said Dr Stewart James of Bullet-proof vests ‘R’ Us.
“But it has been reliant on the wearer to immediately rip open their shirt after having been shot and tentatively feel the bullet-proof vest for where the bullet hit. Only then, can the wearer enjoy the relief that wearing a bullet-proof vest grants.”
It has long been unclear what would happen if the wearer didn’t immediately rip open their shirt after having been shot.
“No idea,” said Dr James.
“The bullet-proof vest could disappear, burst into flames, turn into blancmange. No one’s ever tried it. Well, you wouldn’t, would you?”
Dr James had no explanation for why no-one has thought to develop a bullet-proof vest that doesn’t need the wearer to rip open their shirt immediately after being shot.
“I genuinely don’t know,” he said.
“It seems weird. You’ve made this super-tough, but lightweight armour that through some quirk or design or production, needs the wearer’s shirt ripped open after use and you just go ‘Yeah, that’s fine. We’ll leave it like that. Let’s all go for drinks.’
“I don’t get it. I’d have spent a little longer and refined the design so it doesn’t need that, the wearer can just get on with their lives after having been protected by the vest. Which is exactly what we’ve done at Bullet-proof vests ‘R’ Us.
The new bullet-proof vests will be on sale in time for the holidays and will make the perfect gift for the rogue or maverick cop in your life.
Some links to other bits of the blog that you’ll love*…
*Alright, perhaps ‘love’ is pushing it, maybe ‘be mildly diverted by’
Want to know what’s on telly this weekend? No problem, click on this Weekend Film Guide
Want to impress friends with your superior film knowledge? You’ll be wanting the Fun Facts page.
Or, if links aren’t your thing, here’s an old article you might like…
Facebook man prefers black and white subtitled films to Hollywood rubbish
A man has taken to Facebook to declare in no uncertain terms that he much prefers black and white films with subtitles to ‘the rubbish that Hollywood pumps out.’
James Grant, a seat tester from Chelmsford, Essex, made the comment as part of a discussion on a popular film forum about whether Justice League was louder than the Avengers.
“Actually,” began his Facebook post, inevitably.
“I don’t really care about either Justice League or the Avengers because I prefer black and white subtitled films.”
The post went on to describe how he’d seen Tokyo Story, La Dolce Vita and Cinema Paradiso, noting that when he realised that Cinema Paradiso wasn’t black and white he turned the colour down on his TV.
“Yeah, to be honest, I don’t even know why I’m on that forum, to be honest,” said Mr Grant
“I mean, they just all go on about stupid blockbusters but I just prefer more difficult films, black and white, subtitled, that sort of thing, and if they’re Italian or French and have some nudity in then I don’t make a big deal out of it.”
“I mean, they’re just boobs, and I’ve seen loads of boobs.”
“I suppose I’m just quite deep really.”
It is expected that following Mr Grant’s declaration that he prefers black and white subtitled movies, he will definitely be getting a girlfriend soon.
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