Police forces across America have confirmed that the technique of rushing in and doing something stupid will no longer be taught to rookie cops.
Recent statistics have shown that rushing in and doing something stupid is responsible of over 70% of all deaths and injuries to rookie cops.
“Rushing in and doing something stupid is simply never a good option,” explained Kelly Grace, a veteran cop who has long advocated against her inexperienced partners rushing in and doing something stupid.
“You could get shot, or injured, or beaten up, you could fall into a hole, crash out of a window, encounter a demonic entity, find out this corruption goes all the way up to City Hall, or even stub your toe really painfully.
“I’ve never understood why it’s continued to be taught in so many police academies across the country.”
Rushing in and doing something stupid has been a standard module in the police training curriculum for some thirty years now and had been seen as an important step on the career ladder towards becoming a maverick cop.
“That’s a myth,” exclaimed officer Grace.
“I’ve known a bunch of maverick cops and hardly any of them rushed in did something stupid. If anything, they would be less likely to rush in and do something stupid because of their maverick nature leads them to go against what they’ve been taught.
“There is simply no reason that cops should be taught to rush in and do something stupid in this day and age, and I’m glad the technique will no longer be taught.”
It is now hoped that techniques in both ‘crazy’ and ‘wise-ass’ bullshit will be similarly abandoned by police academies.
Some links to other bits of the blog that you’ll love*…
*Alright, perhaps ‘love’ is pushing it, maybe ‘be mildly diverted by’
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New Standalone Jar Jar Binks film in production because George Lucas hates you
It has been announced that the next standalone film in the Star Wars cannon will centre on floppy-eared racial caricature and total bastard Jar Jar Binks.
The film is a result of a special clause in the deal Disney made to acquire the Star Wars licence that George Lucas had inserted because everyone was mean about his Star Wars prequels.
The clause reads
V.II. The recipient of the rights agrees to make at least one film regarding the adventures of floppy-eared racial caricature and total bastard Jar Jar Binks. That’ll show them.
The film is expected to show the early days of Binks on the planet Naboo as he falls over, farts and speaks in an ear-grating cod-Jamaican accent.
Experts are already predicting that it will make a couple of dollars at the box-office and online review score aggregator Metacritic is currently adjusting it’s algorithm to allow for multiple negative reviews.
Jeremy Nicholson, a self-proclaimed huge Jar Jar Binks fan was said to be so excited to hear the news of a standalone Jar Jar Binks film that he was immediately sectioned under the mental health act for his own safety.
The film, possibly to be called ‘Oh God no, it’s Jar Jar Binks’ will be released next summer with the exact date to be announced too late for you to make other plans.
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