Starship Enterprise found drifting in space after crew discover adult-content unlock on holodecks

The Starship Enterprise has been found drifting near the Denorios Belt in the Alpha Quadrant. On further investigation, it was discovered that the crew was well and healthy but had largely abandoned their posts after an ensign discovered and removed the adult-content lock on the holodecks.

“I was trying to accurately recreate a tough eighties cop thriller,” said Ensign James.

“But it just wasn’t realistic, I had my maverick cop partner who didn’t play by the rules, but he kept calling everyone motherflubbers. Which made him sound like he did play by the rules.

“So, I dug into the holodeck programming a bit and found that there was an adult-content lock, I switched that off and, goodness me, that really opens up the possibilities of the holodeck.”

As the crew began to hear of the disabled adult-content lock, they spent ever longer periods of time away from their posts, on the holodeck.

“Well, look, alight, I probably shouldn’t have left the transporter room for quite as long a I did,” said a defensive Chief O’Brien.

“But I defy anyone to spend too much time away from an elaborate fantasy where you’re the sex-slave of a nine-boobed space witch from the Delta Quadrant.”

One lieutenant had created a room which was just full of naked Romulans under a shower of oil and a number of crewmen were taking part in a recreation of the Battle of Bassen Rift in which everyone was just wearing sexy underwear.

Ultimately no harm was done, but the episode has proven embarrassing for the Federation, who have drawn up a plan to permanently disable the adult-content lock on holodecks.

However, it looks like this will cause even more problems as Commander Riker immediately resigned his post and is threatening to lead an insurrection against the leadership to reclaim his ‘frisky jazz-band of naked space-maidens.’