Pornhub has announced a lockdown pornography channel that will cater to the new kink of breaking social distancing recommendations.
The channel features videos of people sitting really quite close together, people touching their own and each other’s faces, and people coming home from their daily walk and not washing their hands.
“Oh god, I bloody love that new channel,” said enthusiastic onanist Stewart James.
“I’ve watched one video of two people brushing past each other about ten times today.
“Can’t believe how much time I used to spend watching videos of people taking off their clothes and fiddling with their bits when I could have been watching two people brushing past each other.
“I’m a bit obsessed with it now, I spent an entire Zoom meeting with my line manager fantasising about what it would be like to brush past him.”
Kelly Grace is a Pornhub representative.
“There is nowhere else you’ll find such a huge array of red-hot videos of people not social distancing,” she claimed.
“We have videos of people standing and sitting at a range of distances apart for those who enjoy watching couples.
“And for those who prefer solo performances, we have several videos of people vigorously rubbing their own face or standing next to a sink and not washing their hands.
“It’s super-hot stuff. All of it.”
For Mr James, there is a new video coming out later today that has particularly piqued his interest.
“I can’t wait for that. I’ve seen a trailer. It’s just ten minutes of a crowd of people. A crowd! All just standing there being a crowd.
“I’ve gone from six to midnight just thinking about it.”
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