Lack of street-dance troop means Tenet fails to meet Oscar Diversity guidelines

Christopher Nolan’s Tenet suffered a blow to its Oscar hopes after the Academy confirmed that, by not including any scenes featuring the popular British street-dance troop, Tenet had failed to conform to new Academy Diversity guidelines.

“I’ll be honest, it’s infuriating,” said a clearly exasperated Christopher Nolan.

“You spend years coming up with a mind-bending, time-traveling, spy extravaganza and now we’re being frozen out of the Oscars because we didn’t have a scene with a British street-dance troop.

“These new Diversity rules just aren’t practical. I mean, is Nomadland really going to have room for Ashley Banjo and his colleagues performing a breath-taking dance spectacular? No, of course not. It’s a film about little old ladies in caravans.”

However, Chloe Zhao has since confirmed that Nomadland will actually meet the guidelines.

“We got lucky,” she said.

“The guidelines came out just as we were finishing the shoot, so we quickly flew Diversity out, had them do some breakdancing in a parking lot, and cut in a shot of Frances McDormand looking impressed.”

Stewart James is a representative of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

“It had become clear that we needed something to remove the blight of racism from our industry,” he explained.

“When I saw the powerful performance from Diversity around the theme of Black Lives Matter, I was blown away and pretty much immediately wrote up the Oscar Diversity guidelines that state that to qualify for the awards, a film must contain several minutes of performance from Diversity at some point during its runtime.”

Mr Stewart accepted, however, that it could be onerous and jarring to feature Diversity dancing in all films in contention for the Oscars and perhaps, rather than Diversity guidelines, the Academy could introduce diversity guidelines the require films to have a number of positions filled by people from underrepresented groups.

“Oh, yes. That’s a much better idea. We’ll do that next year.”

 

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