The Mole is Screen Idle’s Hollywood insider, bringing you the latest showbiz gossip
There is huge anticipation for Martin Scorsese’s latest picture The Irishman, not least because it features the first performance from Joe Pesci since 1998’s Lethal Weapon 4.
So what has the legendary actor been up to for the last twenty years? The answer will come as a surprise to many.
“Yeah, Joe, he’s got this huge monkey army,” a close associate told me.
“It’s crazy, there’s about 300 monkeys out there on his property in Jersey. They all wear uniforms and are all trained to fight. About 50 of the most intelligent even carry weapons.”
After retiring from acting in 1998, Pesci became increasingly concerned with the precarious nature of modern society and decided to take precautions.
“Yeah, terrorism, the Iraq war, it really got to Joe so he decided that the best thing to do would be to amass the largest monkey army the world has ever seen.
“It wouldn’t be my choice, but I guess it must work. I mean, 300 uniformed monkeys, some with weapons, you’d have to be crazy to get in their way.”
It is understood that on the first Sunday of every month the monkey army parades around the My Cousin Vinny star’s extensive property, allowing him to inspect the monkeys and make sure standards are maintained.
Happily, there has never been cause to mobilise the monkey army, but the Government is rumoured to have made enquiries about using it in several conflicts in the Middle East.
Next week I’ll reveal which Hollywood star is a part-time beefeater at the Tower of London.
Mole out.
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