No one has watched The Green Mile all the way through, finds study

According to a new study on people’s film watching habits, literally no one has ever watched The Green Mile all the way through.

The study which featured questions such as ‘Do you watch more films at the cinema, or at home?’ ‘Should cinemas continue to serve coke in barrels?’ and, most fascinatingly of all ‘Have you ever watched The Green Mile all the way through?’

Nobody answered in the affirmative to the final question.

“Initially we were a little surprised,” said Jeremy Cumberbatch, Professor of fatuous questions and long movies at Oxford University.

“But then, we thought about it, and it’s actually not really a shocking response, it’s three hours and ten minutes. People have got things to do with their lives.”

“Follow-up questions revealed that most people watch it until the mouse comes back to life and then skip to the end to see John Coffey executed so they can get to bed in time.”

When confronted with the survey results, director Frank Darabont, broke down and confessed.

“I knew this day would come,” he replied, tearfully.

“Now, I must admit The Green Mile’s terrible secret. We never filmed the middle part of the film. We knew that no one would want to watch three hours of a film about executions, so we just didn’t bother.”

“The middle bit of the film is just Tom Hanks reading a book for 45 minutes.”

It is expected that, despite the revelation, still no one will watch The Green Mile all the way through as they’ve still got to get to bed in time.