Entertainment behemoth Amazon has announced that it is launching a bid to take a controlling stake in your subconscious.
Following its recent acquisition of MGM, it has become one of the most powerful entertainment companies on the planet and alongside its online streaming service and forays into cinema, it will now seek to control what you ponder, dream, and fantasise about when you should be working.
“We’ve had a look into your subconscious and, you know, there’s some good stuff in there. It’s fine,” said Amazon boss Jeff Bezos.
“But when you look at our portfolio of properties you could have so much more.
“Imagine being sat on the loo and, instead of thinking about nice cake, you are playing out a fantasy where you’re James Bond rescuing Buffy from a battle with Jeremy Clarkson and the Grand Tour boys. That’s the sort of high quality subconscious we will provide.”
It is understood that following Amazon’s acquisition of your subconscious, it will provide content based on two models.
The base model will be free content that will be supported by advertising. The adverts will be tailored to your interests and will appear after every third dream or fantasy.
Alternatively, there will be a subscription service that will provide access to premium content with no advertising and is expected to cost around £10 per month.
Following the acquisition of your subconscious, it is thought that Amazon will launch a bid to take over reality which could lead to real life being supported by targeted advertising, but would be more entertaining and give everyone free delivery.
Some links to other bits of the blog that you’ll love*…
*Alright, perhaps ‘love’ is pushing it, maybe ‘be mildly diverted by’
Want to know what’s on telly this weekend? No problem, click on this Weekend Film Guide
Want to impress friends with your superior film knowledge? You’ll be wanting the Fun Facts page.
Or, if links aren’t your thing, here’s an old article you might like…
Jurassic World dinosaurs ‘all fake’ claims insider
The film world was left reeling after it was claimed that all the dinosaurs used in 2015’s Jurassic World and its sequel were fake.
An insider has claimed that, despite the convincing appearance of the animals, they were all generated using computer technology or model making.
“I was there from start to finish, and not one of the dinosaurs you see on screen is real,” said Richard Neill, a cleaner at Universal who was recently sacked for something he definitely didn’t do.
“Not even the small, nice ones.”
Even more shocking is the revelation that there was no effort made to use real dinosaurs.
“They didn’t even look for any,” confirmed Mr Neill, as he opened his second can of the morning.
“You’d have thought that, for a film as big as this, they’d have at least organised an expedition into an ancient, unexplored jungle in South America. There’s bound to be some dinosaurs in there. Stands to reason.
“But they just couldn’t be bothered.”
Mr Neill has a theory as to why they engaged in such a deception.
“Because they simply don’t care. It’s all about money to them. Whether they’re conning film fans or sacking people just because they were having a break and a can and not even bothering anyone. They do not care.
“There’s just no humanity there.”
Jurassic World: Dominion is due out soon, but Mr Neill’s revelations may have already doomed its chances of success, with fans expected to reject the fake dinosaurs of the sequel for the realism of films such as Ant-man and Isle of Dogs.
Be the first to comment