Owing to ongoing concerns about the Covid pandemic, Warner have taken the unusual decision to skip a theatrical release and debut Christopher Nolan’s Tenet directly into your subconscious while you sleep.
The film, which is understood to be about mind-spies from the future travelling to the present to infiltrate the brain of an imaginary spy’s memory of a contact’s dream of an impression of reality, had been aiming for a theatrical release in July, but this has not been possible.
“On the one hand, it’s pretty disappointing that people won’t get to see Tenet in the theatres,” explained director Christopher Nolan, whilst reading a book about theoretical philosophy and doing a Rubik’s cube at the same time.
“On the other hand, it is exciting to be able to employ this new subconscious movie-release tech that I’ve actually been working on for a while now.”
The Inception director went on to explain how it works.
“You visit the website, buy a ticket to the picture, and then go to sleep. Then, we gather your IP address and access your WIFI and using that WIFI signal, we beam the movie directly into your subconscious while you sleep.”
Interestingly, pick ‘n’ mix will be available while you enjoy the film.
“Yes, that’s no problem, we can also beam the experience of enjoying a limited supply of pick ‘n’ mix into your subconscious. Currently, it’s just cola bottles, sugar mice, and the imitation smarties – no red ones though, I’m afraid. You can’t obviously can’t transmit red smarties over WIFI, that’s just crazy.
“Also, because there is no actual physical pick ‘n’ mix, it will be around half price, so that’s about £350 per 100 grams.”
Although having the technology to beam Christopher Nolan’s Tenet into your subconscious is exciting, it is likely it will be used alongside traditional means of experiencing films in the future rather than replacing them.
“Well, there’s practical problems,” continued Nolan.
“Imagine you wanted to watch Expendables 3 – there’s so many explosions and gunfights that you’d just wake up.”
Weekend Film Guide – debuting into your subconscious right blooming now!
I think Nolan would be delighted by this idea!