It’s the weekend, and as your plans for the weekend amount to lying on the sofa wondering why you don’t have better plans for the weekend, you’re probably going to want to watch some films.
Here’s our pick.
Rear Window 11.00 Film4
Titanic 21.00 Film4
Kate and Leo bond over Picasso’s ‘amazing’ use of colour then fall in the sea. Leo dies but Kate has an exciting life of riding horses in trousers and bringing an improbable number of photographs with her wherever she goes. Warning: contains some Celine Dion.
Olympus Has Fallen 21.00 5*
Gerard Butler nonsense from time when taking the White House by force was seen as a bad thing.
Lethal Weapon 2 22.50 ITV
The one where you go ‘bloody hell, that’s Patsy Kensit.’
Look Who’s Talking 12.30 ITV
Is John Travolta cool again at the moment or not? I’ve lost track. Either way, this doesn’t help his cause.
Volcano 16.35 5*
Everyone shut up, I bloody love this. There’s a secret volcano under Los Angeles and only Tommy Lee Jones can save the day. Features a bit where a man melts from the feet upwards that will haunt you.
School of Rock 14.35 Channel 4
Searing indictment of the quality of rock-based education in modern America.
The Expendables 2 21.00 5*
Action adventure starring everyone in Hollywood. Stuff blows up. People punch other people. Everyone goes home for a nice sit down.
Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore 14.50 ITV2
Cats and dogs team up to foil the world-domination plans of the evil Kitty Galore. Based on a true story.