It’s the weekend! Time for the masses to rise up and seize the means of production. Or, if that seems like a lot of bother, watch these great films instead.
Saturday
Jesse Stone: No Remorse 5USA 09.10
This is a shocking day for films. There is nothing on. Seriously, you might have to do something drastic like socialising with friends and family. It’s that bad.
So, Jesse Stone films are on all the time. I have no idea what they’re about and I have no inclination to Google them.
All I know is they star Tom Selleck and he appears to have not only a moustache, but a beard as well. It’s wrong and I don’t like it.
Non-stop E4 21.00
Liam Neeson shoots all the baddies on a plane. This man was in Schindler’s List.
Tears of the Sun 5Spike 23.40
Bruce Willis does war then looks a bit sad, then does more war.
Sunday
Taxi Driver Sony Movie Channel 00.55
Character study of a man who puts a slice of cheese on a fruit pie then gets a silly haircut.
Quantum of Solace ITV2 20.00
I made an AI read all the James Bond film titles and then make one up and it came up with this. It was clearly a rubbish AI.
I am Sartana Your Angel of Death Movies4Men 18.55
Bet you’re not. Bet you’re called Geoff and you’re just saying you’re called Sartana to impress girls.
New at the cinema this weekend
Tolkien
Man writes really long book about disposing of unwanted jewellery. The end.
DVD of the weekend
Spirited Away
Little girl’s parents turn into pigs so she has to work in a haunted sauna and make friends with a dragon before getting a train with a dirt monster to see the witch’s sister.
Everything sorts itself out and everyone learns a valuable lesson.
Based on a true story.
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