Weekend Film Guide 23rd March

Spring is here and the sun is out, so you’re going to need to close those curtains or the sun is going to shine on your TV.

Hmm, suns? TVs? I could write a song about that.

Friday

The Gourmet Detective: Death Al Dente 15.15 Channel 5

Came out in 2016. Know what won the Oscar that year? No, nor me. But the fact it wasn’t Gourmet Detective: Death Al Dente shows there’s no justice in this world.

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves 21.00 5*

Finally, a realistic portrayal of the beautifully blow-dried American outlaw. Theme song was at number one for twelve years.

Total Recall 21.00 Sony Movie Channel

Forgettable.

Saturday

Labyrinth 12.45 5*

David Bowie’s codpiece stars alongside David Bowie in Muppet classic.

The Amazing Spiderman 22.00 ITV2

Hey, I’ve got an idea. Why not do a Spiderman reboot. It’s been, what, 20 minutes since the last Spiderman reboot? We’ve got to be due another one soon. Movie ‘honchos’ you can have this idea for free.

Deja Vu 22.00 Sony Movie Channel.

I’ve got a weird feeling I’ve seen this before.

Sunday

Skyfall 20.00 ITV2

Home Alone without the jokes.

Brief Encounter 14.20 ITV3

Nice middle-class couple don’t get off with each other at a station.

The Ghost Army 14.30 PBS

Someone tried to convince me they were a ghost once but I saw through them immediately.

Come on! ‘Saw through them immediately.’ BOOM! Right, that’s it, I’m taking the rest of the day off. I’m not topping that.