The weekend is upon us, so why not cancel those plans to go to the pub as it’ll be far too noisy and have nowhere to sit, and instead buy a big bucket of malteasers and sit on the sofa watching films.
Here’s our guide to the weekend.
Friday
Burlesque 18.25 Sony Movie Channel
Remember that 20 minutes in 2008 when Burlesque clubs were trendy? Here’s Cher to remind you. Goes on for over two and a half hours because the Sony Movie Channel hates you.
First Knight 13.10 Sony Movie Channel
Sweeping romance from the time when noble British knights had magnificently blow-dried hair – gadzooks m’lord! Doth thee wish me to put product on that?
Grown Ups 22.00 5*
Execrable. Bang your head against the wall for two hours instead. Adam Sandler actually gets paid for this sort of thing.
Saturday
Babe 15.10 ITV2
All you’ll think about is how much you fancy a bacon sandwich.
The Three Musketeers 18.35 Film Four
Apparently Dumas wanted to put a giant flying steam powered ship in the book but was worried it might turn out to be completely stupid. This film doesn’t share that worry.
After Earth 16.30 Sony Movie Channel
Will Smith does Bring-your-kids-to-work day with horrifying results.
Sunday
Where Eagles Dare 17.05 Channel 5
Disappointing number of eagles.
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin 22.00 ITV2
Euphemism for masturbation.
“What are you doing in there?”
“I’m playing Captain Corelli’s Mandolin. Can you record the One Show?”
Fire Maidens from Outer Space 06.25 Talking Pictures TV
Faithfull interpretation of Shakespeare’s least popular play.
Be the first to comment