It’s the weekend. Time for fun, friends, and good times. Alternatively, you can just lay on the sofa eating malteasers and drinking Aldi prosecco and watch these great films. Fun, friends and good times are overrated.
Saturday
The Usual Suspects ITV4 23.40
Incomprehensible nineties crime caper. Who is Keyser Soze? I don’t know – is it Jessica Tandy’s character from Driving Miss Daisy? Arthur Fowler? The Sunday girl in the local Spar? Could be, for all the sense this makes.
Les Miserables Sony Movie Channel 10.50
Classic musical without music. It’ll never catch on.
Enemy of the State ITV4 21.05
Will Smith buys his wife some pants with disastrous consequences. The moral being – let your wife buy her own pants.
Sunday
Black Narcissus BBC2 13.35
Nun classic. Sound of Music, but with less music and more repressed passion and madness.
How the West was Won ITV4 12.30
Longest film in the world. Tells the story of the Wild west, seemingly in real time. Finishes in 2119.
Jurassic World ITV2 18.35
Angry giant lizards eat everyone while woman wears controversial shoes.
New at the cinema this week
Teddy Pendergrass – If You Don’t Know Me
Look, it’s either this or that new Liam Neeson where he plays a racist trying to promote a film. Or something.
Some classic R&B, a triumph over injury, and if they play ‘Hot Love’ – expect the entire cinema to immediately start shagging.
DVD of the Week
Dirty Dancing
Someone tries to put Baby in the corner. Patrick Swayze has a word.
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