Oscars to feature nudity, dragons and violence in ratings-drive

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has announced that, in an effort to boost ratings, this years Oscars will feature nudity, dragons and visceral, bloody violence.

Fewer and fewer people have been watching the Oscars for years now culminating in last year’s disastrous viewing figures of 4.

“Okay, so the way we do it is to take a leaf out of Game of Thrones book, that gets millions of viewers,” said Oscars director Stewart James.

“Firstly, everyone’s naked. I mean, everyone – the nominees, the presenters, the audience, the crew, the viewers – everyone. I don’t just want people rooting for their favourite picture, I want them horny and rooting for their favourite picture.

“Second, violence – Game of Thrones does not hold back with the violence, so we’ll do the same. So, there’s no voting for winners anymore, we just put the nominees in a big hole and have them fight with axes and swords.

“Last nominee standing wins it.”

The most interesting addition, though, is that of dragons.

“I know, right? At the beginning, we’re just going to have this big dragon swoop all over the audience, and then, at the end he comes back on and burns everyone to a crisp.

“I’m not sure how we get a dragon, probably have to go to China or something, but it’ll be worth it.”

It is the first time the Oscars has featured nudity, violence and dragons, although, in 1986, the controversial decision to have Alan Alda, Jane Fonda, and Robin Williams host in their pants was quite popular.