It’s the weekend! Time to bathe in the blood of your vanquished enemies. Alternatively, you can watch these great films instead. Choices. It’s up to you.
Saturday
Jaws ITV4 22.00
Men go for a nice sing on a boat and get rudely interrupted by an unconvincing fish.
The Witch Film4 23.05
Family move to the country and are haunted by a goat called Black Dave or something. Lots of mud.
San Andreas Channel 5 17.00
The Rock punches earthquake in face. Earthquake doesn’t do it again.
Sunday
Home Alone Film4 18.50
Warm sun heats up your living room.
After a nice afternoon round the barbecue, what better way to finish up a perfect summer afternoon than with this evergreen Christmas classic.
Film4 Christmas Day schedule – Summer Holiday and The Beach.
The Danish Girl ITV3 23.00
“Hello, can I have an Oscar, please.”
“No, Eddie, but don’t worry, your try-hard, faux-meaningful film will go out on late night Sunday on one of the higher numbered ITV channels in a few years.”
The Secret Lives of Pets ITV2 15.15
Film that shows what pets get up to when no humans around. So, if you want to watch 90 minutes of animals wondering when the guy who feeds them comes back, this is for you.
New at the cinema this weekend
Toy Story 4
Woody and the gang are back to sell another boatload of merchandise.
DVD of the week
Groundhog Day
Grumpy weatherman spends eternity eating cake and torturing a rodent before getting off with his boss and making everything alright.
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