It’s a glorious summer weekend, so close those curtains because you don’t want the sun shining on the telly as you watch these great films.
Friday
Carrie 21.00 5*
“Right, we can either bang out a turgid, boring, utterly pointless remake of an Oscar-winning classic, or we can do something new.”
“Hmm, ‘new’ sounds really difficult.”
Deja Vu 21.00 Sony Movie Channel
Have strange feeling we’ve done a preview where we pretend to have a strange feeling we’ve done this film before.
Pompeii 22.00 Channel 5
John Snow (Not Channel 4 news, Game of Thrones) moons about looking grumpy in front of special effects that look like someone made them on their phone.
Saturday
Silence of the Lambs 00.25 5*
Anthony Hopkins gives a subtle and nuanced performance as a cannibal called Hannibal.
If his mum called him Mathilda, would he have been a builder?
Rocky 23.15 ITV
Lots of men punching each other and screaming.
Won an Oscar ahead of Network, All the President’s Men, and Taxi Driver…Still not as stupid as Braveheart winning.
Barbie: Dolphin Magic 10.02 Pop
Brutal post-apocalyptic horror film in which Barbie hunts down and slaughters the last of the magic dolphins who have enslaved humanity.
I can’t believe Hollywood doesn’t come to me for story ideas.
Sunday
The Hunger Games 18.15 E4
The inevitable consequence of four years of the Trump Presidency.
The Other Boleyn Girl 00.15 Channel 4
Sequel to The Boleyn Girl, presumably.
Messenger of Death 19.10 CBS Action
I’d pretend to be out.
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