Watching Roadhouse will make everything better, say experts

After extensive research, leading scientists have concluded that watching Roadhouse will make everything better.

Roadhouse is the 1989 classic in which Patrick Swayze and his muscles go and live in a barn and protect a small town from a corrupt official by duffing people up in a local pub.

“In these difficult times, it became crucial to discover definitively, once and for all, what would make everything better,” explained Kelly Grace, Professor of nice things at Oxford University.

“We first looked at alcohol and narcotics as they seem to be the most obvious candidates to make everything better.

“However, when we came to in the morning after the experiment with our pants on our head and a Dexy’s Midnight Runners CD playing on repeat, we concluded that, despite what it felt like the night before, everything wasn’t better.”

Doctor Grace and her colleagues then turned their attention to crisps and chocolate.

“This was promising, as the initial feeling of well-being and euphoria engendered by eating crisps and chocolate seemed to have few side-effects.

“The problem was that after a week or so, a diet of crisps and chocolate had profound and unpleasant effects on the digestive system which, if anything, made everything much worse.”

Finally, the team turned to Roadhouse.

“Our hopes weren’t high,” explained Doctor Grace.

“The bar looked dreadful and everyone had very silly hair.”

After the initial viewing though, results proved promising.

“Patrick Swayze had won by duffing everyone up. Everything seemed better, there were none of the side-effects associated with drugs and chocolate.

After watching the film every day for a week Doctor Grace and her team concluded that there appeared to be no adverse effects whatsoever.

“As far as we can tell, watching Roadhouse will make everything better,” she confirmed.

If Roadhouse is unavailable though, Doctor Grace cautioned against watching Jean-Claude Van Damme’s Universal Soldier instead.

“No,” she said.

“It’s rubbish.”